Last Day

Today was it.
The final day of working for my nanny family. I am NOT taking nanny to A, K and M off my signature for I am their forever nanny :)
Tonight was perfect. We went to dinner. My bosses were warned by me no tears or sad talk. I plan on seeing them lots and really my goal was to not loose it in front of those kids. We are nannies.We stay strong for our kids. I wanted them to be ok with the changes.
My bosses gave me a necklace. It is gold with diamonds and the hanging down three gold strand with each kids birth stone. My mom boss said those are our kids stones. I almost lost it then. She started to cry and I stopped her saying "no way dont do it. This is a celebration!"
She gave me a card and told me not to open it till I got home. In keeping with the not sad theme, I gave them a letter I had written and said the same "no opening till you get home."
There was a beautiful note inside that made me cry. M had written Jenn Jenn you are the BEST ever! xoxoxox Love, M That's was priceless. They also gave me a generous bonus. I will write a thank you note and send it to them.
The night was perfect. I didn't want a goodbye dinner but now I am SOOO happy i went. I'm soooo happy we did it. It validated a lot for me. All my years of being there.
I feel at peace tonight. A good friend told me the anticipation is worst. She was so right. We will all be ok because we love each other.
We said that we would see each other a lot. The kids are coming to my fundraiser for the local library Sunday. They are forever"my kids" and I am forever their nanny. :) Thanks to everyone for everything. All the kind words meant so much the last few week. You have all touched me heart.
Jenn

1 Day left

1 day left
Today was a great day. I took the kids one by one and gave them their gifts. The moments were special and I'll treasure them forever. The kids LOVED everything. They thanked me. I held it together. I didn't cry. I got choked up a few times but I told them it wasn't a goodbye gift but an end to the everyday. I told them I'll still see them tons. They seemed to get it. Even the youngest. They expressed knowing that we will see each other often.
My family is taking me out tomorrow mb,db and the kids. They wont tell me where. They said it is a surprise. The kids also said they have a surprise for me. I HAVE no idea what it is. I dont love surprises but, Im rolling with it.
I feel surprisingly ok tonight. I am really happy with the job Ive done. My kids will be ok cause they know I love them. I know they know it. I know they know ill be in their lives. I know they know they can call me anytime. These things make it easier. I feel at peace with it tonight.

Im excited about our dinner and at first I was dreading it. But now i feel like we do deserve to celebrate something wonderful.
A life long friendship and almost 16 years of devotion to them. I have come a long way since just 10 days ago. I am not un realistic. I know that there will be more ups and downs in my feelings but today I feel ok and that is something.! :)

3 Days Left

I have three short days left till the end of my job. I had a great day today. The kids were a bit under the weather so they stayed home. It was actually good becauseI got to spend the whole afternoon with no rushing around with the kids. I really enjoyed that. I am going to come in early Friday and spend more time than I usually do there. That will be a nice thing too.
I am happy that I am taking a long 5 hour car ride with them to their grandparents house. My friend lives in the same town. I also have some dates to see them lined up and that makes life easier.
I think in the summer it will be easy to see them. The Fall will be the hardest when a schedule goes into effect. Im hoping by then I feel better.

Today would have been my bosses baby's 4th birthday. He died at birth. So it made this a day for thinking about other things.
3 days left..
Man...

4 Days to go

4 days to go.. I had a bad day yesterday.
Well last night I was very sad crying and it was a very emotional night. I had a great group of nanny friends that helped me a lot...
It made me feel better. I had a good day today. Work was good and I took M out to dinner.
I started cleaning out my car of all the kids stuff!! I want to make sure they have all their things.
I am feeling ready yet it is hard. I know I'll see them a lot. I can see myself hanging out with them and taking them places and it gives me comfort.
I want to give them their things this week .I am excited about it but worried that it will make me sad. Today I feel ready for this. I don't know how it will be tomorrow it is one of the those things your feelings change day to day.we shall see how it goes the rest of the week.

5 Days

5 work days till I leave my charges of almost 16 years.

This weekend I have a lot of down time and I’m a bit scared of it.

How will it be?

Will I be sad most of it?

I do have some fun stuff planned to. I am going to see my youngest charge on Sunday at her game. That will be nice. I may invite the kids to a drive in movie to Saturday. I'm going with family. These things give me peace. I see "my kids" a lot when I'm not on work duty so I keep telling myself how special things like that will be.
The last few night I have worked late. So weird to me that I am working late, doing all the things I always do like helping M clean her room, or helping K do homework and yet they will have to take it over in 5 short days. It’s crazy. Life goes on. I think that their summer will be fun.

Camps and hanging with friends. I think the hard part for my bosses will be the fall. That's when things kick into high gear.
I have been thinking how much should I see them when I go? Should there be a limit? If I want to see them a lot will people think I’m crazy? I don’t know. I love those kids and if they get" free sitting like someone said to me I really don’t care. I’m not seeing them to give a break to the parents I’m seeing them because I love them. That's it.
5 days to go...Oh boy............

7 Days

Today is Thursday I have 7 days including today days left at my job.

It’s a sad day for me today. I am really feeling the end and not wanting it to come. I have been so good about preparing and thinking positively and today I have allowed myself to feel pure sadness. I have been sad, but today it is really hitting me. It is almost done. I won’t get to see them everyday. Hear about their day. Know all the little things I know now.

I hate it actually. This whole process.
I am hoping for no fanfare when I leave. I know some people will think that sounds weird. But for me I just don’t want a big thing.

I do not want a dinner. I don’t want any sort of big deal.

I won't see you next week. I can’t handle it. I can't do a big thing. For me it would be worse. I know myself well enough to know that I would get too emotional to have a big send off. Plus for me I am not seeing this as good bye. For me it is just see you soon.

I plan on being in their lives so I don’t need a big goodbye.

Its not goodbye. Does that make sense to anyone?

9 Days

So yesterday I said I had two weeks left on my job. I realized today that two weeks is only 10 work days. It mad me sad. I had a busy day with car issues and it helped take my mind off it until this evening.

M said to me see you tomorrow, I'll miss you.
I was thinking to myself she'll miss me?
I'll see her in less than 24 hours.
What will she do when she doesn't see me for days or weeks?
I don’t want this child to hurt. I spent the last 16 years making sure she didn't get hurt and now I’m going to be the cause of her pain. I know it is no ones fault and it is a natural end BUT it still is a fact she will hurt.
It will be because she misses me. It is terribly hard to take. In the beginning I’ll be seeing the kids about once a week or so. That will be super for them. After a bit I’ll extend it.
For now I need that for me as much as they do! Funny thing I said to one of my sisters-in-law how hard it will be and she said “Oh it will be good ….you are too attached to them." I was so angry.
Don’t tell me that!
It is the last thing I want to hear.
How would you like it if I told you that you had to stop seeing your kid’s everyday?
I didn't say it but I thought it... LOL. I know they are not my kids but my love for them is very deep and being told it's good to be ripped out of their day to day lives is the last thing I wanted to hear. Really..... I go back and forth. I know "my kids" will be alright in the end. Kids are strong. Lucky for me and them that they are not loosing me in their lives. Our relationship is just changing. That gives me some peace in it all.
9 work days left.. UGH

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