Tuesday, June 9, 2009

9 Days

So yesterday I said I had two weeks left on my job. I realized today that two weeks is only 10 work days. It mad me sad. I had a busy day with car issues and it helped take my mind off it until this evening.

M said to me see you tomorrow, I'll miss you.
I was thinking to myself she'll miss me?
I'll see her in less than 24 hours.
What will she do when she doesn't see me for days or weeks?
I don’t want this child to hurt. I spent the last 16 years making sure she didn't get hurt and now I’m going to be the cause of her pain. I know it is no ones fault and it is a natural end BUT it still is a fact she will hurt.

It will be because she misses me. It is terribly hard to take. In the beginning I’ll be seeing the kids about once a week or so. That will be super for them. After a bit I’ll extend it.
For now I need that for me as much as they do! Funny thing I said to one of my sisters-in-law how hard it will be and she said “Oh it will be good ….you are too attached to them." I was so angry.
Don’t tell me that!
It is the last thing I want to hear.

How would you like it if I told you that you had to stop seeing your kid’s everyday?
I didn't say it but I thought it... LOL. I know they are not my kids but my love for them is very deep and being told it's good to be ripped out of their day to day lives is the last thing I wanted to hear. Really..... I go back and forth. I know "my kids" will be alright in the end. Kids are strong. Lucky for me and them that they are not loosing me in their lives. Our relationship is just changing. That gives me some peace in it all.
9 work days left.. UGH

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  1. Oh Jenn! I really feel your pain. In a way I am kind of going through the same thing. My first family I nannied for are moving to Virginia Beach at the end of the month. I have not been thier nanny for some time now but I till see them often. I had all three of them in my wedding. I am taking their move very hard. David's Bar Mizvah is next Saturday and the following Saturday is their going away party. That will be a very hard day for me. So anyways...keep your chin up,and just remember how much Alex,Kyle and Marissa love you and how lucky they are to have you in their life. I'm here if you need to talk! *HUGS*
    Your friend,

  2. Hang in there Jenn! I struggled after just 6 months, so I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this is for you. Remember how much the kids all love you and how much you have done for them! Big hugs!